January, 3rd, 2008
How to describe what I feel right now ? disgust, sadness, anger, hopelessness,…
All these words can’t even begin to describe what I feel at this moment… I thought I had friends, I really thought it, but guess I was wrong, misleaded, for these so called friends did not hesitate to sacrifice our friendship for greed, and because I wouldn’t chose between them a another group of friends … why would I choose between people I appreciate, people I respect or respected because now I’m not sure at all that I can respect them…Their leader (I’ll call her M has decided that since I didn’t want to choose her over anyone else, I would be cast out and here I am alone, branded a persona non grata. Some of my so called friends went to her because she convinced them that she can do things for them than I can’t. they probably right, I can’t seem to make a good review on any book, I’m not gifted enough to write an essay, I can’t help them get published. So what good I am to them ? No good at all !
They’ve been talking on my back, doing thing we talked about so many times.
It shouldn’t hurt that much because now I know that what we had what not friendship but merely some get together but it does hurt bad, real bad… One of the thing really hurtful is that no one told me about it, they just stop talking to me, never bothering to tell me that maybe I did something they did not like, because we could have talk things out but no, they just stop talking not bothering to answer mails or phone calls …
What hurt the most is probably that a woman I really really thought was my friend, lied to me to please them and when I confronted her she said that it had nothing to do with me that she needed them to get published. She told me that I should Have shun the other group then I would still be part of them… But now I’m sure I was right not to choose them because that would have been a poor choice. What kind of friends ask you to shun people ? what kind of friends hurt you because you will not obey their orders ? What kind of friend even think about ordering another friend ? It’s not a good friend for sure but simply a person on a power trip who think that the world resolve around him or her.
Back on this woman I’ll call her G I thought was a good friend, she acts now like if anything never happened, like she didn’t lie or said hurtful thing… she even said that we could go to her parents this next summer, but how can go there, looking her in the eyes, when what I feel now is getting back at her at them .. I know revenge is not pretty but gosh I could use it right now…
I remember some time ago when I told her how I was not feeling well and why and she told me that she too was being casts out when she really was working with them …What a fool I am thinking that people are like me, that when something is wrong they will talk about it, but no people they don’t talk about it at least not to you the person who supposedly wronged them, they talk about it with some other people.
I’m so angry now that I told my childhood friends that I would not be seeing them at the moment because I was so angry that I didn’t want to say things that I don’t think just because I’m unhappy. I think it’s better for them not having to put up with my actual bad mood…
January, 22
Last week end I went to see G, I really needed to talk with her about how she acted towards me and how she lied to me and it appeared that she was misleaded too by M. We confronted what M told us separately and we saw that she gave us two different versions of this whole affair. We made peace, we would have anyway because I don’t hold grudges for long, I guess I’m too forgiving.
Anyway I’m feeling much better now towards G but not my ex so called friends.
With G we saw how untruth can hurt people feelings and we agreed on not lying or keeping things unsaid between us.
Well we spent a very good week end talking, catching up…
... to be continued ...
How to describe what I feel right now ? disgust, sadness, anger, hopelessness,…
All these words can’t even begin to describe what I feel at this moment… I thought I had friends, I really thought it, but guess I was wrong, misleaded, for these so called friends did not hesitate to sacrifice our friendship for greed, and because I wouldn’t chose between them a another group of friends … why would I choose between people I appreciate, people I respect or respected because now I’m not sure at all that I can respect them…Their leader (I’ll call her M has decided that since I didn’t want to choose her over anyone else, I would be cast out and here I am alone, branded a persona non grata. Some of my so called friends went to her because she convinced them that she can do things for them than I can’t. they probably right, I can’t seem to make a good review on any book, I’m not gifted enough to write an essay, I can’t help them get published. So what good I am to them ? No good at all !
They’ve been talking on my back, doing thing we talked about so many times.
It shouldn’t hurt that much because now I know that what we had what not friendship but merely some get together but it does hurt bad, real bad… One of the thing really hurtful is that no one told me about it, they just stop talking to me, never bothering to tell me that maybe I did something they did not like, because we could have talk things out but no, they just stop talking not bothering to answer mails or phone calls …
What hurt the most is probably that a woman I really really thought was my friend, lied to me to please them and when I confronted her she said that it had nothing to do with me that she needed them to get published. She told me that I should Have shun the other group then I would still be part of them… But now I’m sure I was right not to choose them because that would have been a poor choice. What kind of friends ask you to shun people ? what kind of friends hurt you because you will not obey their orders ? What kind of friend even think about ordering another friend ? It’s not a good friend for sure but simply a person on a power trip who think that the world resolve around him or her.
Back on this woman I’ll call her G I thought was a good friend, she acts now like if anything never happened, like she didn’t lie or said hurtful thing… she even said that we could go to her parents this next summer, but how can go there, looking her in the eyes, when what I feel now is getting back at her at them .. I know revenge is not pretty but gosh I could use it right now…
I remember some time ago when I told her how I was not feeling well and why and she told me that she too was being casts out when she really was working with them …What a fool I am thinking that people are like me, that when something is wrong they will talk about it, but no people they don’t talk about it at least not to you the person who supposedly wronged them, they talk about it with some other people.
I’m so angry now that I told my childhood friends that I would not be seeing them at the moment because I was so angry that I didn’t want to say things that I don’t think just because I’m unhappy. I think it’s better for them not having to put up with my actual bad mood…
January, 22
Last week end I went to see G, I really needed to talk with her about how she acted towards me and how she lied to me and it appeared that she was misleaded too by M. We confronted what M told us separately and we saw that she gave us two different versions of this whole affair. We made peace, we would have anyway because I don’t hold grudges for long, I guess I’m too forgiving.
Anyway I’m feeling much better now towards G but not my ex so called friends.
With G we saw how untruth can hurt people feelings and we agreed on not lying or keeping things unsaid between us.
Well we spent a very good week end talking, catching up…
... to be continued ...
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